Could you spot signs of financial infidelity?
For many people, discussing finances can feel uncomfortable or even cause tension. But it's important you can spot the signs of financial infidelity.
Money shows up in most parts of life and often right at the centre of big decisions. How we manage, view and talk about money can influence what we do day-to-day, what we plan for, and how we feel about the future.
We may not always realise it, but we each bring our own habits, experiences and assumptions about money into a relationship. Sometimes those views may not match and that’s where asking a few simple money questions could help make things feel a bit clearer, and hopefully easier too.
It seems contradictory to say it, but money isn’t just numbers. For some people, it can mean security or pride. For others, it could bring feelings of anxiety or stress. Or for some, it may be something they try not think about too much at all.
The feelings we associate with money are sometimes referred to as our money mindset. These feeling don’t come from nowhere, they’re often shaped from how we grew up, our experiences and knowledge we picked up along the way. And although they may form a big part of how we manage money, they can also be changed over time too.
It’s not too surprising then that two people can look at the same financial situation and feel completely differently about it.
That’s where talking openly and asking money questions could help give a better sense of each other’s mindset and make it easier to understand each other’s priorities, habits and goals.
Find out more about your relationship with money in our short quiz.
Why talking about money matters (even if it feels awkward)
Whether there feels like more pressing priorities, or it simply feels uncomfortable, putting off conversations about money can leave gaps. A chat with a partner about finances isn’t about having everything figured out, it’s more about not having to guess.
Talking openly about finances could help couples better understand each other’s priorities, helping them feel more aligned on day-to-day decisions. It could also help avoid misunderstandings down the line.
How to talk about money with your partner
Starting the conversation can often be the hardest part. It may help to think about what you want to talk about beforehand and go from there.
- Bring it up while talking about future plans
- Ask question rather than making a statement
- Keep the conversation open, rather than trying to solve everything at once.
Managing money as a couple
From splitting everything evenly, to adjusting based on income or keeping finances separate where possible, there isn’t one right way to manage money as a couple. Every relationship and financial situation will be different.
It’s about finding a way that works for you both.
What works today, may change over time. Another reason why open communication and asking money questions can help build on your shared plans as life changes.
Questions to ask about money as a couple
There’s no perfect list and as with all financial circumstances, every person is different. It’s not necessarily about trying to find “the right way” to do things and more about an approach which works for you and your partner. Here are some questions you could consider asking:
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What was money like growing up for you?
This could help you better understand your partner’s money mindset and the habits or behaviours they may have picked up over time.
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Do you tend to plan financially, or go with the flow?
This could give insight into financial habits, priorities and attitudes towards planning ahead.
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Are you someone who likes to save, spend, or a bit of both?
This could open conversations around daily spending habits as well as longer-term goals.
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Would you prefer to keep finances separate or combine things?
This could help start a conversation about your financial picture as a couple and how you may want to manage money together in the future.
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Are there any financial commitments we should factor in?
This could help avoid larger financial commitments or outgoings becoming a surprise later on.
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What does financial security look like to you?
This is a more open-ended question, so there’s no need for fixed answers. But it could help start conversations around future goals and shared priorities.
Where to get support
Money can feel like a practical topic, but there is often an emotional side to money which can show up in our habits, expectations and goals. Having open and honest conversations could help you and your partner better understand each other’s money mindset and financial habits. If you need more information or financial wellbeing support, here are some places you may be able to find it:
Help and support
Our Help and Support hub has more information and support to help with your money.
Money Helper
Advice and support from Money Advice Service, the Pensions Advisory Service and Pension Wise, all in one place.
Citizens Advice
Practical advice from a network of local and national charities.
FAQs
More on financial planning for couples and money communication in relationships.
Wherever you are on your financial journey, improvements can be made and your money mindset can be changed. Focus on being conscious about what you’re spending, consistent with savings and remembering money is not a taboo subject, you can be open and seek help or advice when needed. It only takes small steps to lead to long-term financial wellbeing.
Regular conversations, shared goals, budgeting and openness about spending all help build transparency.
Budgeting, debt, savings goals, spending habits and long-term financial plans should all be discussed regularly.
Before combining finances, couples may want to talk about spending habits, existing financial commitments, and future goals. Open conversations could help both people feel clear about how they want to manage their money together.
It may help to approach conversations about money openly and without judgement. Starting small, asking questions and choosing the right time to talk could help make the conversations feel more comfortable for both people.
Talking openly about money could help couples better understand each other’s priorities, habits, and goals. These conversations may also help avoid misunderstanding and make shared financial decisions feel clearer over time.
What’s your relationship with money?
Our relationship with money is shaped in early life, yet few of us are taught how to build a healthy one. Take our quiz to find out how your habits, emotions and mindset influence your finances.