Romance scams are becoming increasingly sophisticated, persistent, and unfortunately, on the rise. Behind every case is someone who placed their genuine trust in what they thought was a real connection, only to discover it was a carefully calculated scam.
So, if we’ve all heard the stories, why is romance fraud still so effective at pulling on our heartstrings while pulling the wool over our eyes? We look at the psychology behind these scams and why even the savviest among us can be caught out.
What is romance fraud?
Romance fraud usually involves fraudsters creating fake online personas to gain someone’s trust. They may build a relationship over weeks or months with the goal of eventually exploiting them for financial gain.
These fraudsters can be very patient, investing time and emotion, and playing on feelings to gain your confidence. They will use language to manipulate and control, making it easier for them to persuade when they ask for money.
The ‘meet cute’
How scammers start is by building trust the same way a genuine relationship would. Giving their time, attention and empathy. They’ll often have a convincing back story and a believable online profile. They’ll likely often have a reason that they can’t meet in person, maybe claiming to work abroad, in the military or travel often.
Using emotional intelligence to understand what matters to you and then use it to strengthen the illusion. It’s usually only once they feel there’s a connection formed they would ask for money, making it harder for you to see the request as a scam.
Love bombing
Scammers often use affection, warmth and consistency to build something that feels real. It will feel like a real relationship, even if you’ve never met them in person or even spoken over the phone.
Over time, they may start to introduce personal problems which trigger empathy. It may be a business emergency or medical issue. When they ask for help, it will feel natural to offer it. That’s why romance scams can happened to anyone they’re not about being careless, they’re about being human.
The ‘third act twist’
In romantic movies, there’s often a dramatic breakup, before the happy ending. In a romance scam, there can be a similar pattern, but with a different ending.
Once the scammer feels trust is fully built, the request for financial help will begin. They may start small, asking for a quick loan to help with a desperate situation. They may even pay these smaller amounts back to reinforce your trust. But once larger sums are involved, soon after they disappear.
They may even appear wealthy and claim to be temporarily low on funds or use guilt as to why they can’t repay you. The reality is these funds are rarely recovered, so, it’s always worth taking a moment to sense-check things before moving any money.
Red flags to watch for
There’s no single way to spot a romance scam, but there are patterns of behaviour to look out for which could be red flags.
Ask yourself:
- Is the relationship only online or over WhatsApp or text?
- Do they avoid video calls or meeting you in person?
- Do their stories change or feel inconsistent?
- Has the relationship moved unusually fast?
- Do they ask for secrecy or try to isolate you from friends and family?
- Do they claim to be wealthy yet ask you for money?
- Have they pressured you to send money quickly or through untraceable methods like gift cards, wire transfers or cryptocurrency?
How to protect yourself
Remember, anyone can pretend to be someone else online, so make sure you Stop, Challenge and Protect yourself from scammers.
- Never send money or transfers (such as cryptocurrency, gift cards) to someone you haven’t met in person, no matter how convincing their story.
- Never allow someone online to have access to your bank account, transfer money for them or take out a loan for them.
- Check their photos and profile and use reverse image search to see if they appear elsewhere online.
- Talk to someone you trust if anything feels off to get a second opinion.
- Be wary of revealing personal information online.
- If you’ve sent money, contact your bank immediately, we may be able to recover funds.
The other characters in the story
If you’re in a relationship, always speak to other people you trust, especially when it comes to your finances. Loved ones often spot signs of a scammer before the victim does.
Love should never come at the cost of your financial security. Staying alert doesn’t mean closing yourself off to connection it just means keeping both your heart and your head engaged.
The aftermath
The impact of fraud can be devastating, going far beyond the financial loss. Victims not only lose a relationship they believed was real, but they can also lose confidence their sense of security and connections with friends and family.
If you or someone you know has been affected, talk about what’s happened so the first step to recovery can start.
If it happens to you or someone you know
For victims of fraud, there will be a huge range of emotions, from the obvious heartbreak and betrayal to feelings of shame or embarrassment. These feeling may prevent people from getting the help and support they need. But it’s really important to remember that romance fraud is never the victim’s fault. These fraudsters are highly trained experts in creating believable narratives. Take these key steps immediately:
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Confide in someone you trust, scammers thrive on secrecy and silence, so conversation break their control.
We’re here to help
Get in touch
If you’re a victim of fraud, we’ll help you get the support and tools to keep your information and money safe in the future. You can contact our fraud team by email using the link below or give us a call on 029 2274 0898.
There are many different types of scams, and our support hub can help you recognise the signs and keep yourself safe.
More useful resources
Action Fraud
Action Fraud is one organisation who can help if you think you're a victim of fraud.
Age UK
You can find more information on the Age UK website for regular updates on the latest scams.
This article is correct at time of publishing and for general information purposes only. We recommend you speak to a professional financial adviser for advice. You can find a financial adviser and further personal finance information at https://www.unbiased.co.uk/.
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